"What is true love?" by Timothy Greenlee   I thought that what you said concerning romance was spot-on, “…Romance is something beautiful and it makes life so much nicer, but sometimes I believe that true (pure) friendship (without erotism) values even more…”   I have received many letters from gay men, who have read my ad on the internet (PrisonPenPals) and who were looking for romance in their lives, wanting to strike up a relationship with me in hopes, that they could obtain…whatever.   Many prisoners prey upon such gay men in this way, i.e. they “lead on them” into hoping/believing that they’ve found romance and that the future holds promise of a passionate relationship etc. upon their release, when in reality it is only a scam for them to obtain money orders and gifts, etc. I have always been honest with everyone, who wrote to me  I’ve never pretended to be something that I wasn’t, i.e. homosexual; I have found a couple of good people, who continued to write me after I dashed their hope about romance and who became friends, who ended up writing me for the enjoyment of, perhaps, intellectual stimulation, i.e., I write a lot about philosophy and astronomy, etc. and we ended up with something, as you mentioned “valued even more than romance”, i.e. mutual respect, admiration, platonic friendship and companionship. This is very rare.   Philosophers have debated much throughout time concerning the nature of love, and have made some fascinating conclusions. Some of them deny that love exists at all, and I must admit that some of their arguments in support of such a perspective are very persuasive. Most people never analyse life much at all, and as a result never distinguish their feelings for what they really are, sometimes leading to unhappy lives, marriages, etc., i.e. as I implied above, I have come to believe that there is a difference [that many people would be helped in recognizing] between sexual attraction, friendship, emotional attachment and LOVE [real love, I think, is rare].   We can be stimulated sexually by certain someones and engage in satisfying sexual activities, but not feel any deep attraction to the individual as a person: that is not love.   We can share a hobby or an interest with another person and enjoy resulting mutual activities, but not feel any affection for that person: that is not love. We can possess psychological attachment for a person on the basis of our needs: but that is not love.   All of these states can be [and are] elements in love, I think, but the popular expressions of people assert that these elements are in fact “love”, but I disagree for the reasons stated. I think that there is a causal relationship between “true” love and morality. I think such a relationship reveals something of nature of love in general. I think that true love has as its focus the welfare of the OTHER person – though of course the degrees differ in many types of relationships. But, in reality human beings often find it very difficult to love others, it being much simpler to hate others, as history illustrates – i.e. laws are enacted in order to IMPOSE morality [a state of love] on peoples. Therefore, my immediate thoughts tend to be that, negatively, most of what is thought to be love,is in fact not. The western idea of romantic love is somewhat of an illusion, then, and I think that upon close analysis is found to consist of a range of sexual and psychological needs of two individuals each of whom looks to the other to satisfy. So for me, sexual attraction isn’t love, nor is friendship love. Emotional attachment, when it is the satisfying of ones psychological needs is also not love. I really believe that the fundamental characteristic of love is the caring of the other and doing what one can to promote the well-being of the individual even at a cost to oneself. Yes, I know that this view is very demanding, and perhaps unrealistic, but it is what logical reasoning tells me on the subject.   Don’t we de-value the term “love”, if we do not acknowledge that it carries within its meaning the most noble aspirations of which humans are capable? Of course very few of us ever aspire and develop the ability to love in this sense. [….] © Copyright 2003 Timothy Greenlee Timothy Greenlee #865760 W.V.C.F P.O. Box 1111 Carlisle, IN 47838 -