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Chain of Thoughts link  1 Simplistic Thinking requires often more knowledge more complex thought processes, and the reason I know this is because on Fridays when I have to meet with the racist bunch of idiots  at my job for our weekly staff meetings, I have to put more energy into what to  wear than I do into drafting lesson plans, completing Creative Curriculum's and dealing with out of control parents who seem to think it's OK for their Lil blue eyed angels to throw chairs across the room. Then as I'm standing at my closet attempting to decide whether or not to pull out the Powder Blue DKNY suit or just call my supervisor and tell her old ass to go str8 to hell, it occurs to me, I'm not doing this for any of them.  I suffer for the children.  These children with all their behavior issues, physical limitations and specially those who've been suddenly tossed into the foster care system, cause their mommy's and daddy's prefer getting high to child rearing.  So I choose my suit walk it over to my bed, and another  thought surfaces. I need a new pair of pumps, but I can't afford another pair right now, cause I'm about to buy a house and since I   have to do it by myself since my significant other decided he liked the other better than me, now I'm trapped and can't buy shoes cause some black man bailed on me.  Oh I'm not blaming him, well actually yes  I am, cause well, its all his fault.  Well not all his fault just 98% of it.  I mean, if I had never decided to go to Krogers that night because I just had to have some Oatmeal Raisin Cookies, I would never have locked my keys in the car and he wouldn't have pulled up beside my car and decided to be a gentleman, knowing good and damn well he was just a wolf smelling like a damn Burberry Rose.  My head hurts cause now I gotta change my whole outlook on life cause he thought it was cute to date me and three of the sista's in my neighborhood, but of course he tells me, he loved me and was just having sex with them cause I was always too busy working.  Suddenly the suit doesn't seem as appealing and today I'm settling for my comfortable jeans, and blue sweat shirt that reads.....' Go ahead, say something stupid to me'  and my 8 year Old prokeds. I pulled my hair up in a pony-tail and decided to forego the make up and even the beautiful perfume. On the way to work, it then occurs to me that I have no gas in my car, and my tank is almost on empty. Of course I've left all my cash at home and cant seem to locate my debit card anywhere, cause well. a few nights ago, my crack head brother decides to pay me a much anticipated visit, and now I can't find my card or my VCR.   But I was sorta deep in thought when he came by so it was probably  just a coincidence. As I slowly pull into the parking lot I see the other staff walking in pairs sharing light banter and suddenly I just get angry.  Angry at the school system, angry at Him for lying and bailing on me, and angry at my boss who thinks it cool to still be a principle of an elementary  school at the age of 77, and no one is bold enough to tell her old ancient, crusty, please stop wearing blond hair weave and bright red lipstick, cause you are way too old for that crap, butt to retire.  I wanna walk in there and say some really choice words, but I have a rep for being the most professional of all the teachers.  Imagine what they gonna say today. I don't even care, cause well, like I said, I'm mad.  Approaching the entrance my boss meets me at the door with a strange look on her face.  Staring me up and down, she asks me if I was  planning on giving my presentation in that attire.  I looked at her as if she was crazy thinking....lady what the hell are you talking about....?   Then it occurred to me, today was the day for me to present a special proposal to the board asking for new computers for our school.  Now my heart beats wildly and I quickly tell her ill be back in 10 minutes as I quickly get back in my car which now won't start cause I'm outta gas....see what  happens when you think too hard!!! Icy 2005 Chain of Thoughts  Link 2 I decided to write this when me and grandmother was looking at old family pictures. We were doing this on this past Friday. I never knew that you could learn so much from pictures. I just started to come up with ideas I hope that you love it. I stayed up until 6 a.m. working on it so here it is. "Family Tree" Black is me Black is beautiful Let's me see where should I start I see where I get me looks, my mind My ways and my heart Got to tell your family you love them everyday Because life is too short> I take every lesson I learned to heart My grandma had a coke bottle shape With the typical strong black woman model face Every picture my brother was in He was always smiling Now he rarely does it I guess life is too big of a challenge Our branches might become torn in the wind But as long as we have something left to salvage My momma still claims me as her baby And she quick to tell everyone I'm glad that my baby's spoil As a child and still to this day My sister has a face of a angelic baby doll Kiana and Mykal that's a deeper part of me That's my heart especially the arteries They keep me alive My uncle was a ladies man So it's no surprise that his youngest nephew Would follow in his footsteps decades later Granddaddy was handsome But I don't know much about him Another side of him is filled with mystery Like a masked phantom But maybe that's just my observation To my family this is a dedication I remember the days That me and my cousins Weren't imprisoned b y distance We were close enough to reach out To give each other assistance I know life ain't a movie But my momma looked like a movie star She met daddy and they collaborated And this is the reason the branches Are what they are My auntie and my cousin Shell You taught me to become one with myself Where would I be Without my family My other grandma and Momma Bernice So bold but still like the ripest of fruit So sweet To my brother-in-law I consider you my brother From another mother As long as I am concern I have two brothers Black is me Black is beautiful It may be dark But it's still a beautiful color To the rest of my family I ain't forgot about you And I still love you The Eyes of the Abuser When is it that love is not enough? When is it that a kiss just won't do? Why is it the love that he very often professed, has transformed into hatred for you? Why is it her best suddenly isn't enough? Why do you suddenly loathe her presence? When all that she does is love you completely, with her heart, her soul and her essence. So you endure the slaps that have replaced all the kisses, you endure the nightmare that has replaced all the wishes. Your ankle's been sprained, your wrist has been twisted, and all you did was hug him and said how much you missed him. She wanted you to feel what you seem to have forgotten, all she wanted was love but you treat her so rotten. And now on your anniversary, the gift that you give her . . . a blackened eye, broken wrist and a kick to her liver. She lies in intensive care, a heartbeat from death, tubes down her throat and she labors for breath. Love is what she gave but it wasn't returned,* happily ever after that's now crashed and burned. He looks out at a world in which he'll never again live, Life in prison for murder, that's what the courts give. He treated her bad, he hurt her and used her, He extinguished her light because he chose to abuse her. A marble stone marks the spot where she lies, her funeral was so sad, but that's no surprise. Her epithet read what has shaped my future, "How many women have to die before domestic violence is considered abuse . . In the eyes of the abuser?" By: Nathaniel A. Booker "Genius under Construction" Outside the circle How did I become a castaway? This wasn't my direction, nor did I plan to be here Standing outside, wondering what's happening Inside the Circle Yet its too Cliquish for me I don't belong, never did My skin is too dark my butt is too big my hair is too short my smile too genuine my voice too country my words to saavy but not sassy enough I was too submissive too willing to be supportive So I stand outside the circle breathing my own essence while they all judge me condemn me to a hell that's not mine to own never being called friend when I was more than a friend more than a lover Yet this  thing called I N S E C U R I T Y stifles me hardened by the hand of man who dares to label me when society has elmers on his back back to my cocoon for being too nice too caring too pleasant too easy going condoned for righteousness No circle of friends for me I've been placed outside the circle where I will remain all because my sense of self dictates that I'm warped for loving a man who can't love himself for being strong enough to say I'm here for you, knowing I should walk away create a new circle, a new me Yet here I am standing Outside the circle Icy 2005 Somewhere there's a song that describes exactly how I feel.  I keep listening to the radio and they aint played it yet.  Rappers rapping bout social injustices that only affect me from a distance.  Crooners singing bout why somebody don't deserve their love no more. Everybody seem to have a vendetta against somebogy or something, and I just wanna hear something bout love, something bout how words are powerful and love is still real.  I'll keep the station turned on.  Maybe they'll play it later. Icy 2005

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